So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
