the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
