i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Is it because I queefed?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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