Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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