I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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