the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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