I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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