So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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