I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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