Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
