he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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