Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
