i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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