All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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