Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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