I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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