i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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