I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
