soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
