I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
