I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
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