I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
