Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
