why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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