I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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