u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
