i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
