At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
how drunk are you?
Several
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
