So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
