Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
