I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
