Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
