he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
