Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
try to milk me bitch
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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