I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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