New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
It's just like the Real World with babies
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
