and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
