Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
