my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
