Got a toothbrush?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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