Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
