I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
