that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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