Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
