What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
