only you would photoshop your dick
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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