As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
