At least make sure they are 18
Why
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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