I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
