You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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