the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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