You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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