If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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